Often things happen during the week that provide what I call blog fodder. This weekend was back to back activity and could have provided enough fodder for three weeks postings.
As I’m moving house in four days and, quite frankly, suffering ‘Moving Fatigue’ I’m going to do a condensed version. Except it’s not condensed, it’s a weeks worth of witterings all rolled into one.
On Saturday morning, we got up bright and early leaving The Teenager wallowing in bed. She was offered the chance to sit between her siblings in the back of a hot car for an hour and turned it down. We were going sofa shopping.
During our time at the sofa shop, which shall remain nameless to protect both parties, the 4 year old managed to eject himself out of a Shackleton High Back chair, span his sister round and round in seven different spinny chairs, ate two Smartie cookies and emptied the water dispenser all over his t-shirt. Meanwhile, his sister managed to do the world’s biggest poo in the staff toilet, crawl on her hands and knees throughout the shop shouting “I’m playing hide and seek”, emptied the contents of her cup of water down her leggings and demanded at the top of her voice that “When we have finished in here, can we go over there, to Toys R Arse?” All this while The Husband was in deep negotiation with Captain Sofa Salesman.
Returning home The Husband went on a mission to get his and the 4 year old’s hair cut and buy some packing tape. He returned three hours later with two haircuts, some packing tape and the documents to prove he had just bought THE biggest TV for the new house.
During his three hours absence I packed the 6 year old’s room and filled three bin bags with rubbish … from her room. I distracted her with the power of a movie.
My Sister arrived to help pack the kitchen and was amazed by how many ramekins The Husband has managed to collect over the past year. The evidence of too many M&S desserts. She managed to dedicate a whole banana box to them.
That evening we went to a friend’s house for a dinner party with Teacher Friend Mother of 3 and her husband. We had great food (Come Dine With Me 10/10). I sprayed the host and my top with tonic water making me look like I had leaking nipples and we discussed cheese fondue, dodgy families, golf, drinking too much and arthritic wanking.
On our way home in the taxi The Husband remembered he had left his wallet at home. I offered myself up to the elderly taxi driver as a hostage while The Husband ran inside to get some dosh. The taxi driver dismissed me before he even came back and I stumbled up our path like Billy Connolly muttering something about it being his loss. Loser.
Sunday morning after the regulation ‘soak up all your gin’ bacon bap I visited the launderette for the last time. For those of you that don’t know, our washing machine died a slow and painful death two months ago. We didn’t buy a new one because the new house has one. I thought that my trips to the launderette might be full of drama a la Eastenders. Sadly the most excited thing to happen to me during the launderette months was an elderly gentleman flashing his freshly washed y-fronts at me.
After the final washathon we went to Teacher Friend Mother of 3′s house for a charity garden party. There was even a string quartet and scones. After a sparkling wine, hair of the dog, I was feeling much better. The children won their bodyweight in sweets on the hoopla and hook-a-duck.
Then we pegged it home to met our friends who had come for a Sunday roast.
We sat and ate the most delicious belly pork amid our packed boxes, struggling for crockery and The Husband swearing about his lack of ingredients and utensils due to his sister in laws amazing packing skills … “Where’s the f*cking potato ricer?!”
A great weekend but far too busy for my liking.
This weekend is the big move, so I may be a tad intermittent. There will be much swearing, cleaning, shouting, sweaty removal men and a large box of ramekins to unpack.
I’ll see you on the other side.
29 Comments on "Who packed the effing potato ricer?!"
Good luck with the move!
I really must buy a potato ricer….
I would like 2 put the record straight. I did not pack the feckin poncy potato ricer. That was u in charge of utensils so check the ramekin box. Will b there Saturday to stragically misplace said utensil n & hide some of those other bizarre gadgets. X Arthritic. Wanking! R we back to wrist action
Loved this post! Especially the banana box of M&S ramekins – that’s a LOT of calories!
Good luck with the move.
I’m thanking my lucky stars that our furniture shop has a creche – two children happily painting away while we chose our sofa.
I hope the sweaty removal men are of the nice variety, and not the potbellied greasy variety. That would make up for some of the stress.
Brilliant. I think we’ve stumbled on the great divide – those with ramekins and those without.
A Gu pudding ramekin was the source of an epiphany – or rather watching someone THROW ONE AWAY – for me this week.
And, I’ve just put our potato ricer in the bin…
Have a good move and hopefully you’ll only break things you hated anyway.
x
I can only imagine the blog fodder that the weekend of your move will offer… and I can’t wait!!
As for the ramekins, I could probably fill a banana box of my own but who can resist M&S desserts..? x
I couldn’t stop laughing the whole way through this post – halarious. Especially the “When we have finished in here, can we go over there, to Toys R Arse?”
Brilliant.
There’s so much here that strikes a chord with me.
I have a cupboard choc-a-bloc with glass ramekins from Gu puddings (though they seem to have stopped doing this now for which I am truly thankful)
I also have a lazy teenager who loves bed more than life itself.
“Arthritic wanking”? You? Husband? Man in launderette? No matter, it made me roar with laughter.
I had to look up “ramekin” (turns out I have a pair, too)! I use them for dips at parties.
I was expecting the final line of the post to be, “And the Teenager finally got out of bed.”
Good luck with your move. But if it’s the 4th in 6 years, you’re a pro.
Surely someone must have bought you remakins for a wedding present?
I don’t think The Teenager did get out of bed actually! She assumed the position of ‘the slug’ for most of the weekend.
That sounds some weekend!
I only discovered your blog recently and already you’ve got me in stitches!
I hope your move goes well, my love. Bon voyage!
Thank you! … and glad you can laugh at my misfortunes
good luck with the move. I’d say hope it all goes smoothly but we know it’s going to suck big donkey balls so. *cough* yes see you on the other side I’m only just emerging 4 weeks later.
Thanks for the words of donkey wisdom. I’m not even thinking about this weekend. just the vast quantities at the end of it all … and a sit down.
liveotherwise: ditto. And should I have one in my kitchen? Is ‘to rice’ a verb? I rice, you rice, he/she rices… Anyway, good luck with the packing. I think moving house ranks close to no.1 in Life’s Most Stressful Events. Throw in a few unpredictables like small kids and you’ve got guaranteed high blood pressure.
This will be our fourth move in 6 years and hopefully our last for another 6 years!
What’s a potato ricer?
Makes super smooth mash! http://www.lakeland.co.uk/potato-ricer/F/product/11390?src=gpute&sq=potato%20ricer
Good luck with your move and hope your ramekins make it to the other side, unscathed…
To be fair, if we lost a few we’d still be able to entertain a party of 200
LOL
Good luck with your move – we’re still unpacking boxes from a year ago….
We still have boxes in the cellar from our last move which are unopened. Probably another lot of ramekins.
Fab! Great post. Wish I had a social life like you. Love the toys R Arse comment ! Brill. Have “fun” moving. xx
You can have my social life! It was far too much this weekend. I want to lie down in a darkened room
Bon voyage, then. Hope it goes okay. And FFS be careful with that new telly…
Oh, and I don’t actually own a ramekin.
Just sayin…
No way Jose?
Good lordy you packed more in to a weekend that I do into a month!! Good luck with the move
I’m still recovering from the weekend and it’s Tuesday!
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