The Teenager and I went to Tesco Express on Friday night for some food for the weekend and some ‘Thank God It’s Friday’ Wine.
I particularly like the self-checkout at our store. I don’t have to queue or make small talk with the cashier if I’m that way inclined. I can whizz in and out at my leisure. Or so I thought.
The Teenager in particular likes the self-checkout, bipping her way through the shopping and then shoving my crisp notes into the feeder.
So on Friday, faced with a long queue, I suggested we do it ourselves. I said I would put the wine through the scanner as it would be illegal for her to do it. I scanned the wine. The obligatory alarm went off for the cashier to look over, scan my mother of two, sleep deprived, lived in face and press a magic button so we could move on.
Except he didn’t. He looked at me, at The Teenager, at me, at The Teenager. I rolled my eyes and said “You have got to be kidding me?” He shook his head.
Realising that there was absolutely no way on this earth he was going to accuse me of being under 18 and having endured a day at work, doing the school run and picking up The Teenager I’d had enough.
“I am 32 years old, my stepdaughter is 14, this wine is quite obviously for me!” I announced in an angry somewhat sarcastic tone.
All the time I was thinking “If I was buying alcohol for a 14 year old I certainly wouldn’t be buying a nice Cabernet Sauvignon, surely it would be some form of vodka based alcopop?”
I realised that the large queue to my right were now scrutinising my eye wrinkles laughter lines and displeased face.
The cashier continued to look us up and down to the deep sighs of the people waiting to be served. He then, somewhat reluctantly, pressed the magic button which meant we could continue bipping our shopping
Bip, bip, bip, bip.
My next problem came in the form of a large cucumber. Once scanned, the screen said ‘UNIDENTIFIED ITEM’ and the alarm went off again.
I had to wield a cucumber at the man whilst shouting across the store “It’s a cucumber” and in my head “If you don’t press that bloody button I will thrash you about your person with it”. Thankfully he pressed it before I could act on my thoughts.
Just as I was foraging in my purse for money another bloody alarm sounded and the words ‘UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA’ started flashing on the screen.
It turns out, the Teenager was the unexpected item, she was leaning on the frame too hard. I said to the man “The unexpected item is my Teenager!”.
By the time we’d finished the long queue to my right had gone, the cashier was still looking at me questioningly, probably wondering which mental institution I was on day release from, and I guiltily said goodbye.
Guiltily because I had lied … I had told him I was 32. I am 31.
43 Comments on "Unexpected Item In Bagging Area"
I love your writing style, this post had me in stitches! Thasnk, Mich x
Thanks Michelle. Glad you liked the post.
I’m so scared of those machines. My first language isn’t English so I had no idea why the red light was flashing. I wanted to cry because I thought I wasn’t allowed my wine.
Oh no – maybe they should do them in multiple languages … we want you thinking you couldn’t have your wine!
Or maybe they should just get rid of them altogether.
… or cucumbers …
Fecking machines! My kids love them but I too do not see their logic.But I think I will refrain from using one to buy alcohol.Thanks for the heads up.
You’re a rum one aren’t you!! I think I would have been tempted to think of something else to do with that cucumber, it wouldn’t have seen the light of day. Probably would have been quicker to wait?!!!
CJ xx
It would have been far quicker to wait. I wouldn’t have been fuming and I wouldn’t have drunk quite so much Thank God It’s Friday Wine.
… and that cucumber, I have thought of at least ten other things I could have done with it since then, one of them involved your suggestion of it not seeing the light of day.
OMG I hate the self checkout tills. They always do that to me too. It’s meant to save time but it always takes twice as long for me. Sue x
I shall think twice next time, I can assure you!
My favourite moment of a girls (we were newly single) trip to visit a friend in the states was to be asked for ID. Seriously. We were all 32. Made my holiday that!
We have thank goodness the children are in bed wine. Don’t think I can restrict it to just Friday! x
If I had ‘The Children Are In Bed Wine’ then I’d have to spend even more time in Tesco Express
I hate the self-service checkouts. I never find they “improve my experience” of shopping in a supermarket.
My experience was certainly not improved, although their wine sales probably were seeing as I had to drink a little bit more to get over the pain …
Hee hee, that is brilliant. And babe, you do look young. Can I just say that I got asked for ID 2 weeks ago in Schmesco in Notts when I was buying wine. I was kid free but had a big spot on my chin. I think they just saw my spot and thought teenager. I informed them I was 34 and showed them a picture of E an M in my purse and they let me off. Very odd.
At the height of my anger I was mentally working out what I could show him in my purse which I had recently emptied at home in an ‘if it’s not in my purse I can’t spend on it’ type fashion.
Unfortunately a Boots points card wouldn’t have worked would it?
Love the post, hate the self-checkout machines.
I’ve been desperate for the ‘thank god it’s friday’ wine, but haven’t been able to indulge as I’ve had a chest infection.
The wine waits patiently, while I do not.
Enjoy yours.
x jo
You do realise that if you’ve been ill you are allowed double Thank God It’s Friday Wine don’t you?
It’s the law
I can’t stand those machines – I end up more stressed trying to place and re-place light items into the bag so that it registers on the bagging area than if I’d stood in a queue for 15 minutes.
They are not very user-friendly at all.
I’ve read before about supermarkets looking suspiciously at parents buying alcohol when teens are in tow (something to do with the law, innit? What tosh).
I was also asked my age, even though it is damned obvious I’m over 18/21/30 (delete as appropriate). The poor assistant apologised but said they had to ask everyone – even if they were OAPs.
I bought some sudafed tablets once that were so light they didn’t register … again lots of waving goods at a cashier. Why didn’t I learn then?
Those machines employ no logic. I’m super tech-y and yet ALWAYS end up having to call for help when using the self service machine.
I feel your pain!
I’m not even super-techy … I should have thought it through more beforehand!
We used self checkout for some Sunday shopping and the alarm went off when we scanned the Sunday Times. Apparently you have to be over 16 to buy it. This raises a number of questions…for a start I’m 54, but I got the ‘funny look’ too…..secondly, why would *any* under-16 want the Sunday Times….thirdly, who designs these things? Who sets the age limit for buying newspapers?
On another note, my DW (29) has been age-checked in HMV for DVDs by a teenager who was *definitely* not more than 14……Q. “Are you over 18?” A. “Yes….well over….are you?” Better *not* to get barred I think…..Is it just me?
I could understand the age limit being set for the Star, but surely people buying that wouldn’t know how to self-checkout anyway?
Precisely…..I doubt Star readers can even *spell* Sainsburys…..I guess its an example of the law being a blunt instrument though.
Went to B&Q in Glastonbury and there were no human checkout assistants at *all* – just the infernal machines. And of course we got checked again because we were buying solvents (think I needed them by the time we left). Been again recently and they seem to have at least back-tracked to provide a choice of human and non-human (inhuman?) checkout options…..Soon all stores will be run by robots.
On the subject of age checking, would it not work for the machine to ask you to scan a debit or credit card rather than for the acne-faced teenager to come round? Don’t you have to be 18 to have one of those?
I like your idea – although there would a whole new wave of fraud with teenagers stealing their parents credit cards to scan.
I think maybe there should be a face scanner next to the bar code scanner to count wrinkles.
Bloody things. I had similar trouble with my ‘uh-oh it’s Monday wine’ (who am I kidding). Every time I put my ‘bag for life’ on the plate, it said ‘unexpected item’. I pointed out to the drone that I wanted to pack my frigging shopping. ‘Sorry, you have to pack them on the floor’ was the response. Ridiculous.
See, I can proudly say ‘Thank God It’s Friday Wine’ because of my new no drinking policy during the week.
… and don’t they know that a bag for life is for LIFE, not just for Christmas?
Asda have a specially marked out spot on their self checkouts for your bag for life, there’s no packing on the floor malarky in there!
So far I obviously haven’t looked like I’m trying to force feed my 3 year old & 6 year old my FGIFW! My 6 year old did think it was unfair that the Chief Medical Officer thinks kids under 15 shouldn’t have any booze at all as she likes to taste what I drink on special occasions.
Those self service checkouts are a nightmare. I wouldn’t risk buying booze on them.
Flagellation with a cucumber would make for a great Sun headline!
Maybe I should just stop drinking altogether .. erm, maybe not.
Next time I’m going to make sure I buy something more threastening than a cucumber …
Absolutely brilliant. Now I need to politely ask you to write dull blog posts in future as your blogs and tweets leave me in no state to focus on my very professional work!
OK, I’ll write something about the contents of my fruit bowl, or what the children had for tea last night. Then when you’re almost falling asleep I’ll blindsight you with another video of the 3 year old.
You’re exactly right about the alco pops, what teenager would want to drink Cabernet Sauvignon. Stupid man, can he not tell when a mother just needs a “thank god it’s friday glass of wine”!
It always take me ages when I try to quickly self checkout, so I rarely bother now
Maybe next time, before I even approach the self-checkout, I should explain my circumstances so that he will see that my need is great!
I love the firm but fair recorded voice which intones ‘unexpected item’ etc. Sounds like the lady is two seconds from tazering you x
I think that’s maybe what riled me the most and made me want to kill the man … because I couldn’t kill the machine. I think you should become the Tesco Express self-checkout voice. I’d listen to her … and take her advice.
I HATE those machines – its just not possible to use them when you have a toddler, a baby and all the associated rubbish …
I wonder if anyone has ever bludgeoned someone to death with a cucumber ?!
If you ever see a news headline ‘Woman Beats Man
To Death With Whole Cucumber’ you’ll know who it was.
Too funny! I try to avoid the self-check out. It seems I always have an issue when I try to use them and it ends up taking forever!
It is a false economy. Every time I’ve used it the queue has gone faster than me!
LOL – I absolutely hate those machines. I’ve come to only use them in desperate situations. Bizarrely, when I need some wine
This week when I go in for my Thank God It’s Friday Wine I shall use the checkout. I shall learn from my mistake … maybe.