On Thursday, if I worked for MI5, I would have stood in our kitchen and talked into my lapel. I would have said “The gerbils have been compromised. All units stand down. I repeat the gerbils have been compromised, all units report directly to the grid”.
Unfortunately I do not work for MI5, but I have had to bend the truth into one million different shapes since Thursday.
In case you haven’t read this and this, a quick recap. We bought two gerbils a week before Christmas to get them acclimatised to our home before presenting them to the children on Christmas Day morning.
On Thursday I was in the kitchen, The Husband was working in the attic. The children were playing in the attic. Just to be clear, and to absolve myself of ANY blame, I was 3 floors away from the children, The Husband and the gerbils who were hiding in the cupboard.
The children came into the kitchen looking stunned and sheepish. ”There are some gerbils in the cupboard Mummy” the 6 year old said quietly.
For the past week I had been hiding the gerbils for Christmas, somewhat smugly and successfully. My heart stopped for a second, I screamed silently and then turned round snapping into survival mode.
“What did Daddy say?” I asked them searching their faces for signs of shattered Christmas beliefs. “He said we should come and speak to you” the 4 year old said.
I bet he bloody well did!
I started making myself a cup of tea, gaining extra moments to formulate the LIES in my head.
The children clearly realised they had hit upon a secret and looked worried. I told them not to worry but that I was going to have to share a HUGE secret with them.
All the while I was screaming Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit inside my head.
I explained the elaborate tale about how two nights ago we had had a magical delivery. I couldn’t tell them any more about the logistics of the delivery it was just powered by Christmas Elf dust. Apparently, Father Christmas likes all livestock presents to spend a few nights with their new family to get used to their new surroundings. That, the gerbils had been selected especially for the 4 and 6 year old and that Daddy (whose fault this was for taking his eye off the ball) would have to contact the Elves to find out if it was OK for us to keep them seeing as it was an accidental (did I tell you it was The Husband’s fault) discovery.
So, that is how we came to have two early, furry Christmas presents.
The children were so excited by the early delivery that they didn’t challenge or question any of my lies. Either that or they believe every word I say, which in the forthcoming years could be a bonus.
8 Comments on "The gerbils have been compromised, all units stand down"
ha ha great post! I love the way we try desperately to cover our tracks with the kids- we did the same when our present stash was discovered! Hope they enjoy the gerbils none the less!
XxX
You’re far quicker than I would have been… I’d have probably sent them back to Daddy again!
Good work soldier! Stand down, at ease, have a biscuit!
Christmas gets more complicated as they get older I guess….
Bam Bam the christmas elf delivered the portable dvd player on boxing day. Silly santa forgot *rolls eyes*
Hope your gerbils aren’t like our neighbour’s. They bought two and within a few weeks they had fifteen, at which point they figured out how to tell what gender they were and began to give them away to all and sundry. We have two of them. (Both very clearly boys!)
I couldn’t face the stress of hiding livestock so we bought daughter a hamster cage. Just a cage, no hamster. We told her before Christmas that she can only have a hamster if she keeps her room tidy – I’m thinking I can still spin this out for a whle longer!
So Santa’s a bit like Amazon, then?
FC also delivers reeeeeeeeally big presents, like keyboards, a few nights early. And puts them in the garage for safekeeping. Yes he does.