Happy Birthday!

Your confidence is rocketing and you are brimming with adventure.  You’ve kept me on your toes for six whole years … Grandma still can’t watch you when you play in the garden, all that jumping and whizzing around makes her nervous.

After having your third set of grommets put in and your adenoids removed five months ago you can not only hear but you have also stopped snoring.

You like things ‘just so’ down to the sheets on your bed, which underpants you prefer to wear and where the sauce has to be on the plate.  You get that from your Dad. The clumsy bit? … that’s all my fault.

You and your sister seem to argue more often than not at the moment. Last week, though, I woke up to find you both snuggled up in your bed chatting and giggling. It more than made up for all the arguing.

You seem to be turning into an entertainer … mainly for the family.  Your confidence isn’t such that you’ll perform for just anyone yet.  You like to make people laugh while maintaining a dead pan expression. That is a good thing. A lover of slapstick comedy, you recreate amusing scenes for your sister.  It makes her laugh so hard that her tummy hurts.

School is a necessary evil, you get on and do what is expected of you, your reading has taken off and you have lots of friends.  You live for playtime, PE and the weekend. “PE is great” you said today “But getting dressed after PE is boring” and then shortly after “How many days until the weekend?”.

You enjoy your own company … taking yourself off to just be, playing a game, drawing a football match, doing stunts in the garden or playing with the dogs.

As you turn six your favourite things are: Football, the Xbox, running, jumping, being outside, pain au chocolat, planets, snooker, having your duvet tucked in a certain fashion before you go to sleep, your bike, biffing with your big cousin F.

Keep entertaining, my beautiful blue eyed boy, make people laugh until they can laugh no more. Be your own person and look after your sister. Six will be a breeze.

All my love

Mum x

The Husband : I don’t know

Me : You are rubbish, you never know. That’s why you always end up with a book token, a bag of Midget Gems and maybe some new socks.

The Husband : I’ll have a think.

Me : OK, by the way, I’m getting you that armchair, for the living room, that I LIKE from IKEA …

Happy Birthday Mr D.

May your bottom feel comfortable in your birthday chair that I lovingly bought for you … for me.

T’wife x

PS – I’m not sure that anything can ever be better than the birth of your surprise son, on your birthday after the pregnancy scans said he was a girl … (more on him in my next post)

Niece : The list says … six wine glasses WITH A THIN RIM, Dara O’Brien tickets, set of mixing bowls, vouchers for Azendi …

Me : I’ll get the mixing bowls

Niece : OK

Two weeks later and three days until My Sister’s birthday …

Me : So, what are you getting your Mum for her birthday?

Niece : Mixing bowls, I still need to get them.  What are you getting her?

Me : I said I AM getting them. Are you getting them now?

Niece : Yeah, after school

Swears to self  and cancels order for beautiful mixing bowls …

Me : Sheesh, so what is left for me to get her?

Niece : She still needs 6 wine glasses WITH A THIN RIM

Peruses internet for 6 wine glasses with thin effing rim.  Realises pretty quickly that there are none and will have to go to an actual shop to measure rim of wine glasses. Swears again.

An hour later …

Niece : [Nephew] is getting her a bike!

Me : WTF!? Does she even want a bike?

Niece : I don’t know

So, happy birthday to my Big Little Sister

May you get some things you want, some things you didn’t even know you wanted … and 6 effing wine glasses WITH A THIN RIM.

Love from Little Long Sister x

To my little big boy

The day you were born seems like so long ago.  Today you are 5.

This year you have;

Learned to swim without armbands, mainly under the water like a fish

Learned how to ride your bike without stabilisers and joined the big boys on the BMX track

Joined a football club which makes you smile like the Cheshire Cat

Learned some scooter skills on the half pipe at the skate park

Started school. You’ve made new friends and are learning to read, write and spell

Had a second operation on your ears so now you can hear like everyone else.  It’s given you bags of confidence.

What on earth will 6 bring?

Time doesn’t seem to move as fast as you’d like but I’d like to slow it down.  I think it’s going quite fast enough thank you!

Happy Birthday my special boy.

Love Mummy xx

PS – Happy birthday also, today, to The Husband and, last week, to My Sister xxx

32 is a confusing one. Usually I feel excited or a sense of dread with each passing year, but this time I felt nothing, 32 is a limbo sort of birthday.  My barrier of what I consider ‘old’ has shifted again … I’m not telling you what to, for fear of offending anyone who is … around … umm … 42 … The Husband included.

I got some fab presents … an Emma Bridgewater mug, some books (which I want to read all at once, right NOW), some shoes, hair straighteners which go up to a whopping 260 degrees, expect some pictures of my bald heed in a few weeks … and an Amazon voucher.

I decided to buy a cook book, Nigella’s ‘How To Eat’ with my voucher.  Since we moved The Husband has lost his cooking mojo and Betty Crocker has said she’ll lift the restraining order if I learn to make my own chocolate fudge brownie.  So, if we want to eat well and not from a Dolmio jar, or packet I have to update my skills (or rather gain some skills).  This is where Nigella comes in.  I’m counting on her no nonsense 90% cocoa hips to sort me out.

I had some money left over from my voucher and in a moment of pure madness I decided I was going to learn to … knit.  Yes, knit … and I bought a book showing me how to.

Knit one, purl one.

Anyone who knows me will be looking aghast at those 4 little letters ‘knit’.  When the shock wears off they will be rolling around clutching their stomach and laughing.

I’ve already promised Erica a pair of socks with thistle embellishments for the harsh Scottish Winter.

I have photographs of My Dad (Gramps) in the early 1950′s wearing soggy woollen swimming trunks on the beach.  I could recreate that look for him for the local pool.

One day I hope to be good enough to knit a ‘beard balaclava’ like this one for My Sister, for next time she goes camping.

I’m clearly having some sort of Pre-Mid Life Crisis.  But I like it.

… and when I swear and throw down my knitting needles in disgust because I-just-can’t-do-anything-like-that and my application to the WI is rejected the 4 year old could always use them as swords.  BOGOF.

I’m afraid you’ll have to wait … I’m still recovering from it all.

Still, all of the above pales into insignificance when you remember that today a group of people are setting off to walk the length of Hadrian’s Wall … a  whopping 84 miles for charity.  Think of the blisters!  This is all for The Joseph Salmon Trust, a charity that gives financial support to bereaved parents.

Bloggers taking part are All That Comes With It, Insomniac Mummy, Jo Beaufoix, Single Parent Dad & Dad Who Writes.  Give them all a cheer!

There’s a blog, a raffle … and if you wish to donate, get yourself along here.

Good luck to all taking part in Hadrian’s Walk.  BIG respect.

My Uncle bought him a new touch screen phone which means it’s even easier for him to ring me from his pocket on car journeys. Let’s hope he doesn’t ring me accidentally from the motorway services toilet like he did once before, luckily it was only a wee, but a loud one all the same.

He is looking after the kids for a day during half term and is taking them swimming. He was excited when he realised that due to his new OAP status he can swim for free. Then there are all those pensioner special pub lunches, reduced train travel and a bus pass. The world is his OAP oyster.

The cake was made by Teacher Friend Mother of 3. She is a superstar. We collected it the day before the party and it sat overnight in our dining room. How the 4 year old held himself back from turning ‘Stealth Boy’ and raiding those sweets I’ll never know. There was a moment shortly before the party when he disappeared and was found staring longingly at the cake, but who could blame him?

My sister bought two huge helium balloons which were, apparently, f*cking expensive rather more expensive than she’d thought they’d be. It turns out that the ’6′ balloon has a tag at the top end so that it can be flipped and used as a’9′.

The consensus amongst the Scottish attendees was that the helium should be drained and the balloons kept in a safe place until my Dad’s 90th.

Being half Scottish I kind of agree, although not until we’ve used it for the 5 year old’s next birthday …

I’ve had 6 hours sleep in 48 hours. I must have had a temperature because when I did sleep I dreamt I was sat in a hospital waiting room with the dog for company waiting for someone to come and tell me that my legs weren’t going to drop off.

I have lots of posts lined up in my head, but they need someone with a brain to get them ready to post. Today I am not that person. Today I am Working Zombie Lady with a hint of chocolate biscuit.

Excuses over.  I bring you a post from last year … which, yes, is cheating … I like to call it recycling. Enjoy.

The virtual burglar pays a visit … in my head

Occasionally I have irrational thoughts. For instance;

What if a burglar were to break into the house in the middle of the night?

Last week I gave it too much thought, it went a little something like this;

So, the burglar breaks in. I don’t know how, he just does OK?

The dog who is having one of those dreams where she’s running in the park stirs. She doesn’t bark. Instead she vomits on the burglar’s shoes and proceeds to wag her tail and lick him. She welcomes him into our home. Not only has she been sick but earlier in the evening she was cleaning her arse with that tongue.

He fumbles to switch on his torch and surveys the kitchen for car keys to the shiny motor on the drive. Plates are piled high on the work surface. Don’t these people have a dishwasher? No, not unless you count me and the husband.

His torch light falls upon a picture on a pinboard of a gay couple. One of them is dressed as Adam Ant, the other is dressed as himself and has a fetching moustache. This picture is me (Magnum PI) and the husband (Adam Ant) at my sisters 40th birthday party. Note the chest hair (For the record and those of you who were wondering … this is not my own chest hair).

There’s no hope of finding keys amongst the clutter. He locates a handbag on the worktop and opens it. He takes out the contents looking for a purse; a box of raisins, a soggy tissue, a broken Cinderella necklace, a sock, a notebook with extensive Disney notes … a purse with a faulty zip, several receipts for the Co-op and just three ten pence pieces.

He finds a mobile phone right at the bottom of the handbag, hiding. Not the latest model but worth a bob or two. The screen flashes bright. A picture of two small children wearing underpants on their heads greets him. Oh my god, what kinds of people are parenting these children? I believe in nature over nurture … my children are truly bonkers, is that really my fault? … Ahem.

He decides to venture into the living room to check out the electrical goods. Suddenly there is a piercing shriek. He stops dead in his tracks, terrified that there is a beast upstairs. The 4 year old is having night terrors again.

In his panic to leave the house he goes into the downstairs toilet and is met a child’s floater bobbing alone. “Of course I flushed the toilet Mummy”

Recoiling in horror and running back towards the door he stands on a toy fire engine and falls to the floor crashing into the intricate marble run of the previous day.

As he crawls to his knees he kneels on a piece of Lego. OH THE PAIN! For those of you not accustomed to the pain a piece of Lego can cause when kneeled upon, I have confirmed, after a lengthy conversation with the husband, that is equal to standing on an upturned plug.

Clutching his knee he notices some car keys hanging out of a coat pocket in the hall. Bingo!

Relieved to be leaving the house of horrors he realises that the keys are not for the shiny motor, they are indeed for the rusty, dusty old motor parked beside it.

He sits in the car, the first thing to hit him is the lingering smell of wet dog. He puts the key in the ignition. The car stereo signals its awakening with a loud rasping farting noise and The Wind in The Willows blares out of the speakers. The faulty hand brake alarm starts and the petrol gauge is glowing on empty.

What burglar, in his right mind would pick on us?!

He went to an awful lot of trouble, even getting a butter knife from the drawer to get to the goods quicker. He proudly went upstairs to show The Husband his new toy saxaphone and got a telling off.

When I returned home, after our secret birthday present shopping mission, it dawned on him that I was also displeased and that he would have one less present to open this morning. He sobbed for a while.

Later when he was getting ready for bed he may have unexpectedly ventured into my bedroom where he may have seen another present, this time unwrapped.  A Toy Story lunch bag, to replace the torn and battered Ben 10 one. A practical addition for his birthday.

As I was saying goodnight to him last night he said “Why did you buy me a Toy Story lunchbag?” in a disappointed tone. I said in an upbeat tra la la voice with a beaming smile that he would have to wait and see what his birthday would bring, whilst thinking “Oh shit”.  Poor disappointed 3 year old.

Anyway, that’s behind him now because today is his birthday and he’s 4.  Who cares that he knows he has a toy saxophone which will be utilised as a gun or a method of torturing his parents and sister with?  Who cares his mother bought him a boring old Toy Story lunch bag? I for one love Buzz and Woody and in the cold light of day he was actually quite pleased with it. Now, he also has a new scooter, to replace the rusty old one … and this one has lights that flash along the footplate a bit like the ones that some chavs attach to the underside of their car.

I sit here shell shocked wondering where the last four years have gone.  I’m sure The Husband is equally confused, for it is his birthday too. 41 today. I’m sure he is wondering where the last 40 years have gone. Ahem.

This weekend we have a birthday party for the 4 year old with some of his friends from nursery.  Later the husband and I will go out  and meet our friends in the village. We may even drink a beverage or twenty two.  I’m sure there will be lots of laughter … and cake.

To infinity and beyond ….

See you on the other side.