Protecting the gin, the missing balls and a soggy, smelly mess

Written by on July 8, 2013 in BLOG - 10 Comments

We held a party, at our house, for The Teenager’s 18th birthday this weekend. I learnt a few things;

  1. Do not leave your personal supply of gin in the fridge.  Teenagers will do horrific things with, including drinking it with Diet Coke.
  2. When The Husband tells you that he’s found puke in the garden, you go back to look and discover it gone.  Your dog is licking it’s lips.
  3. When The Teenager says she’s expecting around 25 friends, add another fifteen.
  4. You put the pool table out in the garden for the teenagers to play with. They play a few times and then use it for the rest of the party as a drinks table.
  5. Even though you ask the teenagers to bring alcohol with them, one third of them don’t bother. That third devour the alcohol in the fridge that you kindly provided and anything else that is lying around.
  6. If you take your gin out of the fridge and put it in a cupboard behind something large they will find it.
  7. You pay money for someone to fill balloons with helium for the party. That money is wasted when some knobber comes along and releases them all.
  8. Teenager’s who have brought their own booze are not interested in keeping it cool in ice buckets or the fridge, and hold onto it protectively, because of number 5.
  9. A drunk teenager trying to find eyelash glue, because one of their fake eyelashes is flapping in the wind, will never find it and you reckon if they ever did are so inebriated they would glue their eyelids together.
  10. When you discover a glass with what looks like a urine sample in it, with a floating tea light, you decide it’s best not to sniff it to make sure.
  11. You have to assist a teenager who has broken a bottle of beer in her expensive handbag. Because she is three sheets to the wind she thinks you are going to provide a miraculous cure to the soggy, smelly mess that she hands you.  You explain that there is nothing you can do, that it smells like a dirty nightclub and hand her a bottle of Febreze.
  12. You will never find the two pool balls that have vanished, they could be anywhere.
  13. The second puke is found in the house, and only recognised, as puke, because someone has discovered the ‘splash back’.
  14. No matter how much food you provide it will NEVER be enough. Teenagers love pizza, and drunk teenagers are bottomless pits.
  15. You will have to carry your litre bottle of gin round the party with you to keep it safe. This is because of 1, 5 and 6.
  16. You think you are tall, but not until you stand next to a teenager in six inch heels.
  17. Turning off the music at midnight disperses the teenagers to a local nightclub.
  18. Despite providing a MAHOOSIVE ashtray the majority ignore it and use the garden to put out their cigarettes. The only upside to this is making The Teenager pick them all up the following morning.
  19. Hosting a party for The Teenager, in your house, make you feel old and grumpy.
  20. You vow never to have a party with teenagers again.

10 Comments on "Protecting the gin, the missing balls and a soggy, smelly mess"

  1. Great post. But what were you thinking?! Don’t you remember??????

  2. Erica July 9, 2013 at 9:04 am · Reply

    Haha, number 9 and 11 had me laughing out loud. I sure as hell hope you’ve found the solution to the ‘teenage party’ for the other two, and then I can copy!

  3. Scope July 9, 2013 at 2:15 am · Reply

    This makes me very glad that our legal drinking age is 21, so most of us do it at university with another 3 years of sneak drinking experience.

    Hopefully you got them sick on the local teen equivalent of Southern Comfort, Rumple Minze and Jagermeister.

  4. Mammyskitchen July 8, 2013 at 9:56 pm · Reply

    Sounds like a good night…

  5. Ellie July 8, 2013 at 6:51 pm · Reply

    What I was trying to say was, you need to hide the gin more effectively. I suggest in one of those hats with straws. It’ll suit you.

  6. Ellie July 8, 2013 at 6:19 pm · Reply

    You need to h

  7. English Mum July 8, 2013 at 4:42 pm · Reply

    Yup. Been there. Best to follow my lead and ban your other children from EVER EVER turning 18 and/or wanting a party.

  8. Daddy July 8, 2013 at 4:29 pm · Reply

    There are a few choice occurences missing!

    Best left concealed under the hard, rocky thing because: First Rule of 18th Party, you must not talk about 18th Party (in fear of inducing teenage indignation after 18th Party shortcomings).

    Daddy x

  9. (Mostly) Yummy Mummy July 8, 2013 at 4:12 pm · Reply

    Oh. My. Godfathers. I fear that I have had a glimpse into my future….

  10. Jean (notsupermum) July 8, 2013 at 4:06 pm · Reply

    Ewwwwww……and OMG! And other expressions of shock and disgust! Hope your house and garden are back to normal now x

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