The cellar has always given me the eeby jeebies.
The night after we moved in I dreamt I was trapped in the cellar, in one of the rooms was an old woman who just stood and stared at me in a Village of the Damned fashion. Since then I have always used the quick in/quick out method when going down there.
On Saturday morning I went down into the cellar to get some washing out of the machine. When I came back upstairs the door was shut and locked.
It was 6.45am. Thinking I was possibly in my very own nightmare I banged on the door like a crazed woman (another reason for the neighbours to harbour ill feeling).
Just before I started hurling myself at the door whilst clutching my husband’s wet underpants and begging the old creepy staring lady to leave me alone the door opened and there stood my lovely cherubic children each wearing their well practised ’It wasn’t me’ faces.
I’m sure as they wandered off after a shaky berating from me I saw them celebrate with a high five.
16 Comments on "Protecting myself with the husband’s freshly washed underpants"
Haha…that was a funny post! It was definitely the ‘underpants’ that did it…well not the underpants that locked the door obviously, that was the kids! LOVE it x
Ha! “Get thee away from the pants, crone!” I am with you on the scariness of cellars. My aunt had one and the only thing in it was a lot of dark shadows, a jar of marmalade and a sack of flour the size of a walrus. Sinister times.
Hey lovely lady, your post it make me wanna sing.
I have often done the same at my vineyard in Portugal.
In fact I told the lovely young man from Hello magazine all about this last month before I showed him how my back passage was decorated. Cheeky thing said it was a bit draughty and that I should get the flap seen to. I did not share this secret with that vile Piers Morgan one though. He’s a &*^%. Next time Edna from Redditch throws me her knickers I shall say, “No lady, I want me some of Laura’s hubby’s gusset or nothing.” Life’s too short. Cheers and Bottoms up!
I have the most wonderful mental image now of you wearing y-fronts with the leg holes showing your eyes … thanks for making me smile today
At least they were clean underpants! Although dirty ones may have been more effective at keeping people at a distance…
I don’t have a cellar but if I did it would be Man Territory, just like the shed. For future reference, underpants (soggy or otherwise) will only protect you if you put them on your head; it’s the I-Can’t-See-Anything-Therefore-Nothing-Can-Hurt-Me approach.
Frankly, I think being out of bed at 6.45 on a Saturday qualifies as a nightmare already. Anything beyond that would push me over the edge.
If I feel creepy somewhere it’s usually for a good reason. I used to find it impossible to go to the loo and the bathroom after dark in an old farmhouse I once lived in as a student. I could barely even look down the corridor towards those rooms. It was the same on the floor above – couldn’t go down towards one end of it after dark. And in the kitchen, same end of the house, after dark, if alone, I couldn’t look at the door that led off into a room that was locked for the owner’s use. Anyway, it turned out that a member of the family who owned the house had hung herself in that room off the kitchen which was below all the other parts of the house I found so creepy.
Ok, now you will NEVER go back into your cellar and your family are destined to have dirty underpants for life!!
When I was a child, it didn’t occur to me that our cellar was creepy. We don’t have one now which is just as well, because this post would have just given me a phobia.
I do appreciate the tact with which you made it clear in the title the reason the underpants were wet.
hee hee. I love your kids.
Erm..I mean, obviously I don’t condone any ‘locking Mum in the creepy cellar’-type tomfoolery, but…
Great fun! always wanted spooky cellar, will have to settle for not so spooky downstairs toliet, for some reson it makes me feel very uncomfortable…. maybe there is a creepy old lady in there!
It was the soggy underpants that did it – honest! Wonderful post.
Very funny, by the way what exactly were you going to do with the soggy underpants for protection? Just curious
We have a basement. I hate it. There are things living in there. I have to send my husband in first who doesn’t seem to have a problem at all. I think he thinks it gives him some sort of power over me as I often see a smug little smile appear when I ask him if he’ll go in for me. Maybe I’ll do what your cherubs did…..
I’ off to practice the “it wasn’t me” face !
I hate our cellar. I hate washing.
The washing machine lives in the cellar.
I do not do the washing, husband has the pleasure.
I am an evil genius.
*high five*
Am too tired to formulate witty response to this little gem, but just wanted to register my appreciation. Of the post – and your husband’s soggy underpants…
That looks wrong now I’ve read it back. Never mind *clicks submit*