This is my least favourite time of year. Christmas is over but the new year has not yet begun. It’s a limbo of sorts, no-mans land.
If I’m honest I’m feeling a little panicky. As soon as we return to work and school the cycle of dirge begins again. The rushing hither and thither. Work, school, tea, homework, tidying, washing, ironing and repeat. Bleeeeurgh.
This week we’ve just spent time as a family. The washing is on hold, the tidying is at a minimum we don’t have to go anywhere. We’ve had pyjama days. We’ve watched loads of films and played.
The 4 and 6 year old have argued most of the way through the holiday. They’ve spent a lot of time in their bedrooms. Right now, right this second I feel like I’m stumbling through motherhood hoping it all turns out for the best. I want to be a bit airy fairy but I’m far too controlling and shouty mother for that. My patience has buggered off with my sparkling personality and razor-sharp wit.
My sarcasm is still intact.
I haven’t felt like this since the children were 1 and 2 and a half and I had to fold them simultaneously into a double buggy in Tesco whilst wrestling a packet of Quavers off one of them and antibaccing a suspected poo finger of the other whilst a queue of people watched on. There was a cacophony of screams, including the one in my head.
Recently every day has felt like that, minus the poo finger. I feel like something needs to change. Something needs to give. I have 100 things going on and I’m not giving my all to one, let alone more, of those things.
Even though we have a built-in babysitter I have decided that we are not doing anything at all on New Year’s Eve. In fact, I feel so pissed off with the whole New Year malarkey that I might even go to bed at 11.55. Just because I can. I am such a rebel.
So here are my ‘I don’t like to call them New Year’s Resolutions’ Resolutions.
The Husband – I need to be nicer to him for a start.
The Children – More one on one time. More family games, family meals. More listening and talking. Maybe even push the boat out and stop ranting at them quite so much about … hmmm? Everything.
The Dog - She is fat. She needs walking. She needs to sniff other dog’s bottoms. End of.
This Blog – I’m going back to basics. That is, releasing the, self inflicted, pressure I put on myself. I’m doing it for the belly laughs. Mine and yours.
My weight - A stone and a half in one year is baaaad. I went to a hypnotist last month for ‘weight management’. Being the impatient person that I am I actually expected to wake up the following morning weighing the same as a Mars Bar (albeit a BIG one). Clearly that did not happen so I am now taking it a day at a time. The one thing I can say is that since being hypnotised I have not hoovered up one morsel of children’s leftover food and I no longer dream of cake. This in itself is an achievement. If it doesn’t work the cynical me will cheer whilst admiring my three new chins.
Lists – I need to be more organised. 2011 is going to be the year of The List. Working out what we need each day for school would be a start and cut down on so much early morning trauma.
A Diary - My friends are delighted that I now have a diary and will no longer double book them or suddenly remember 30 minutes before a meeting that I shouldn’t be sat on my arse watching Come Dine With Me. I also need to synchronise my diary with the family calendar in the kitchen and the calendar in The Husband’s head. That part could be my downfall.
Sleep - I need more sleep. Less Internet/Angry Birds/Reading/Procrastinating/Arsing about/Thinking of ways to go to sleep earlier. I know that if I go to sleep before 11pm I wake up happy. Without it I snap and I roar quite a bit, at the wrong people.
The House – Without getting a cleaner/ironing fairy we do it between us, the Husband and I. It’s constant though. I need Anthea Turner. Failing that? Shit, I don’t know yet, I’m still thinking.
Booze – No more drinking on a school night.
So now I’ve made myself sound like a complete witch but I’ve cheered up. I think I might stay up actually and raise a toast to 2011 with a cheeky G&T and go to bed at 12.05am instead.
2011, the year of less chins, less shouting, more cleaning, a svelte dog, being nice to The Husband and a more organised me.
See you on the other side.
3 Comments on "Poo fingers, chins, belly laughs and my misplaced razor-sharp wit"
See you on the other side duuuuude.
From where I’m standing I have sister envy. I think,on fact I know, you are a great mum, not controlling, laid back and caring. You make time for everyone maybe apart from yourself n the dog. I think you are fabulous just the way you are and wish I could be more like you. Happy New Year and looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow.
Your list sounds very like mine! I too have decided to be nicer, less shouty and at least 2 dress sizes smaller before our trip to florida in May!
Have a fabulous night tonight, all the best for 2011. I hope it’s a brilliant year for us all x