Daily Mail columnist Louise Lambert wrote a critical report of her experience at an NCT ante-natal group recently. I thought I would write about my own experiences of the NCT classes I attended and what they led to.
When I was pregnant with my first child, who is now five years old, I signed myself and the husband up for NCT classes. Having read every pregnancy book going and having watched several hundred women giving birth on one of the satellite channels I wasn’t really wanting to extend my knowledge in fact I think I’d seen far too much. I was more interested in meeting other people in the same situation and our local classes were oversubscribed.
I can quite clearly remember sitting in the car outside the house before our first session trying to cajole my reluctant husband into thinking this was a really good idea. Meeting five pregnant ladies and their husbands/partners would be great fun I told him.
The first session went as well as can be expected when six couples who haven’t met before are thrust into a strangers front room and asked to get to know each other. At the end of that first session we had a five minute meditation. I got the giggles and the husband said he didn’t want to go again.
But go we did. As the weeks slipped by we all got on really well. Sometimes we squatted in strange positions and during one class my not so reluctant husband was pegged to a chair in a demonstration of how active labour shouldn’t mean you are confined to a bed throughout. There was a lot of laughter but at one of the sessions one of the pregnant ladies burst into tears at the mere thought of a cesarean. I decided that I wasn’t going to get on with this emotional weeping woman. How wrong was I, in fact 5 and a half years later she is one of my dearest friends.
When our classes ended we decided to keep up our weekly meetings in a nice cafe with cakes. One by one we gave birth over six weeks and once all the babies had arrived our meetings took place at each others houses. We laughed hysterically, sobbed intermittently and supported each other through those early months. We drank coffee and Diet Coke, we also consumed a lot of cake and at times Weight Watcher biscuits. We talked about the colour of our babies poo, sleep patterns and the ups and downs of breastfeeding/bottle feeding and weaning. You’ll probably be shocked to hear that we discussed other non child related subjects too.
Five and a half years later and between the six couples we have 12 children and another on the way. I look back on that evening as the husband and I sat in the car before our first session feeling nervous and wonder what life would have been like without the sometimes hilarious, sometimes terribly sad and very drunken times I have shared with my NCT friends.
In contrast to Louise Lambert’s experience I found sympathy, support and solidarity in abundance.
Long may it continue.
14 Comments on "NCT – Laughter, sobbing, support and lot of cake"
I suppose it depends on the area your from, I was in a meet for a city group and people seemed to keep themselves to themselves most of the time.
How lovely that you are still all good friends.
I must admit even I went reluctantly to my NCT classes that I attended when pregnant with number 2 ( I wanted the breastfeeding support)
We never even all met up afterwards, some of the husbands were very strange.
I had a very similar experience and found my NCT group to be great. We have moved around a bit, but are still in touch. There is nothing that hasn’t been discussed, which makes for a much more relaxed time of it. We know each others parenting strengths and weaknesses and it doesn’t matter.
I should probably add that the NCT group we went to was not big time into natural child birth. They wanted to explain what the options were and what the options meant – but there was no criticism, no sense of failure if you used pain relief. I’m very grateful for that, but I have heard that it is different in different parts of the country and RasMbisis’s comment above shows that it can be very detrimental.
When it came to giving birth I didn’t remember much about what they taught us in pre-natal classes, but I too met some great gals in those classes who became my comrades through thick and thin in our rookie mommy days. Sadly they are back in Vancouver and I miss them
Quite frankly i hated the members of my NCT group, sanctimonous cows. After a 37 hr labour (no pain relief) I had to have a C-section. Apparently I ‘just didn’t try hard enough’ Whenever i bumped into the self appointed ‘leader’ of the gang, she would look into the pram and sigh ‘poor little thing, she’d be so much better off if she’d had a normal birth’!! I’d just like to point out for the record, i breast fed (her and both the subsequent ones) for 13 months each, they all met every target, did better in SATs than any of that groups children and are happy well adjusted kids. The self appointed leader on the other hand? 10 years on, on her 3rd husband and has had 2 of her children taken into care – and such a nice middle class family!! Revenge is a dish best served cold methinks! and yes, i am aware that i ‘should’ rise above and poor children, but her bullying (trust me the above isn’t even a quarter of what she did) drove me nearly to suicide, so little sympathy
At our class the midwife had the nastiest, skankiest, dirtiest baby doll in the world, ever. It looked like it had survived a nuclear blast (just). Needless to say it scared a lot of the young Mums, and left me in severe hysterics.
Well, you won’t be surprised to know that I’m weeping whilst reading this! I agree with every sentence – what would I have done without you all? Through the struggle of those early baby days, through to the hardest experience I’ve ever faced, you were all there and I’ll love you all forever.
We were possibly the luckiest NCT group in the entire universe
What a wonderful thing. I wish I had a group of friends like that.
Ante-natal classes can be so good at setting you up with some brilliant friends. I still meet with friends from mine each week. Funnily enough I’ve got a half-written post on NCT classes, when I finally finish it I’l link to yours. It was a great place to meet people, just found the advice a bit biased.
I so agree with you, Laura – still in touch with a couple of friends from my NCT group, in fact one is coming to do the 14 year old’s birthday on Saturday as she has retrained as a beauty therapist and is going to pamper a houseful of teenagers! I think I would have stayed in touch with more of the group if I hadn’t promptly left the country for 8 years – they were a great bunch, I was lucky
I joined an NCT class hoping for all you have wrote about, when in truth I didn’t bond with any of the lady’s on my course.
We were really in different social circles, they have all bar one returned to work to enable them to keep a lifestyle they enjoy and sqirmed at the thought of giving up work like me and returning back North to my routes.
Since I returned back North 2 have emigrated and 3 have left work, I guess priorities change, but they were so competative at the time.
That is just fantastic. I’m jealous actually.
My NCT class was only a half day thing, so no friendships formed there.
I did, however, join a mother’s group after my first son was born, and it ended up quite disappointing. The other mums were nice enough, but we just didn’t gel, and over the almost 8 years since we met, we’ve gone from seeing each other every couple of weeks, to every month or so, to twice a year, to having a chat when we bump in to each other at the local shops.
You’re very fortunate.
Lucky you. I’ve heard so many good things about NCT classes, but especially that NCT friends are friends for life. I really wish we’d gone to some when I was expecting Rosemary. Or even when expecting Eleanor. Though I suspect that I might have had the same problems making friends as I always do, and perhaps wouldn’t have got from it quite what most other people do.
I’m finding the breast-feeding support group I attend on a Thursday quite good for socialising, and am actually managing to speak to people. I think it’s a bit easier second time round, because at least you have your past experiences to talk about.
Long may it continue indeed!