When The Husband and I brought in the New Year with Jools Holland’s fake Hootenanny all seemed well in the world. Three weeks later and I feel like I’ve been chewed up and spat out by the Beast of January. So far January has been a mixture of sheer crap, joy, unadulterated emotional turmoil, disappointment, celebration, bad news and excitement.
In stressful times like these my body has two ways of coping. My jaw tenses (sometimes for days) which gives me horrific headaches and my brain dumps information … forcing me to ask questions of myself … ‘Does the margarine goes in the fridge or the dishwasher?’ or … ‘Did I remember to pick the children up from school?’ or … ‘What is that thing called that you brush your hair with?’.
I can’t tell you about any of the crap that the Beast of January has laid on my doorstep, nor the exciting stuff that has happened, so I’ll just tell you about the other stuff that is going on round these parts …
I decided that decluttering our house was a good idea. This week I had a toy cull while the children were at school. I got rid of half the playroom and dropped it off at the charity shop. Cue evil laughter. The children didn’t even notice … but I won’t be able to walk past the charity shop for at least four weeks. The whisker on my chin,who I fondly refer to as Walter, has been joined by a new faster growing albino friend, Winnie. I’ve taken up speed walking with the dogs again and started losing weight. So I may be growing a beard, but I am able to fit into my favourite jeans and still eat cake.
The Husband is falling apart, his back, knee and foot have all had to be looked at by a professional … one of whom told him he was getting a bit old to be playing football. Cue sniggering.
The 5 year old is about to turn 6. Excuse me a moment while I blaspheme and ponder where those 6 years have gone. He is still only running at two speeds … fast and asleep. All of a sudden he has gone from showing very little interest in reading to moving up the school reading scheme in six months. As far as we know his hearing is still fine, he can hear a whisper from three floors away. He is currently our family staring competition champion.
The 7 year old, last week, announced “My Daddy is married to a lunatic”. She can usually be found with her headphones on singing her heart out … usually when she should be sleeping. She likes to argue with me about everything and I, being the adult cough, like to argue back. After the Teenager had a late night, at a party, she went into her room and said “You had a long night last night didn’t you… What time did you stay out until? Silly o’ clock?”. She is 7 going on 40. God help us all.
The Teenager is now living with us permanently. Noticeable changes are an increase in Super Noodles, music, washing, talking in a variety of new accents, kitchen dancing … a decrease in biscuits, cereal and hot water. Other side effects seem to be the regular disappearance and reappearance of my hairdryer. It’s really good to have her here. She shares my love of crap TV, makes a song stick in my head for days on end and seems happier than she’s been in a long time.
Peanut, the dog, is going senile, deaf and blind. She barks at things that aren’t there. Last week I took her for a walk which is mainly uphill. She normally manages this without incident. On reaching the top of the hill she stopped dead in her tracks with her head hanging down. She started swaying like she was going to keel over. I decided that if she keeled over I would have to put her on my back and run down the hill to the vet. She weighs about 9 stone.
Jessie, the puppy, is very laid back and the only Labrador I know who is scared of water. She spectacularly shattered her halo this week when she took it upon herself to stealth crap on the 7 year old’s freshly laundered school uniform.
The gerbils are miraculously still alive, although I did have to check for proof of life twice last week.
Come on February, there’s a lunatic on the loose and she’s ready for you …
6 Comments on "“My Daddy is married to a lunatic”"
i love my family so much. big kisses xxxx
Oh god the bit about the puppy doing a “stealth crap” had me in hysterics. It reminds me of my dog when she was a puppy who sneaked into our dinning room to do a poo!! Not pretty.
January’s a funny month isn’t it! Alas, Feb is only a few weeks away! Fantastic to have found your blog via Kate at Britmums’ Good Reads. My home is similar to your’s with less children and more Greek dancing!
Great post, it is lovely to hear how everyone is doing and good to know mine isn’t the only household that seems both chaotic and manic!!
It’s lovely to read about what you are all up to. I hope the tense bits lessen and the good bits increase.
Keep up the good work, your house sounds as busy as ours.
You have to be ever so slightly mad to run a house full of kids…….
Helen
http://www.saveeverystep.com – family stories on a chronological timeline