Our car was in the garage for over a week having a new gearbox fitted. The guy who runs the garage is a lovely chap. I’d say mid 50s, very chatty.
When I went to pick the car up he insisted on showing me the old gearbox in all it’s gutted glory to be fair he could have been showing me anything then took me over to his desk. As I was whipping my cheque book out, he turned to get the invoice and my eyes fell on his calendar.
I was faced with Miss November who was totally naked and gripping a length of rope on a sandy beach. She was smiling and displaying her boobs and beaver for all to see … and it was ALL I could see. I remember thinking that she took good care of her ladygarden and made a mental note to tend to my own shrubbery at my earliest convenience.
He presented me with the invoice and I tried not to shout “HOW FUCKING MUCH?” As I was writing in my cheque book thankfully having somewhere to avert my eyes he started chatting …
Him : So how are you two?
Me : Who?
Him : You and the husband?
Me : Fine thanks
Him : He told me he’d lost his job (I suddenly went into emergency mode … had the husband lied about his job to see if he could get Mr Mechanic to lower his price? I decided to play along)
Me : Oh, yeah? It’s been hard. Difficult times. Who should I make the cheque payable to?
Him : ‘Mr Mechanic’ please. Oh I hope everything works out for you.
Me : Thanks.
Him : God bless you.
Me : Yeah, um and you, thanks.
I got in my car with Miss November’s beaver burnt on my retina wondering what on earth the husband had been telling Mr Mechanic.
When I got home it turned out that the husband was as confused as me.
Next time, because with our luck there will inevitably be a next time, I shall send the husband to pick up the car. He will be far more appreciative of the boobs and beaver calendar.
It did give me an idea though. The husband is particularly bad at double booking our social life. We have a beautiful Charlie & Lola family planner type calendar which I religiously fill in for the whole family. He really takes no notice and then spends his time rearranging things and looking at me as if it’s all my fault.
Perhaps I should make my own 2010 calendar to encourage him. TOTALLY naked; clutching the iron, berating the children, holding a baking tray with fish fingers and chips, picking up dog poo, loading the dishwasher and making the 3 year old’s packed lunch.
That’s January to June 2010 sorted.
30 Comments on "Miss November’s beaver is burnt on my retina"
Duh, sorry about the typo.
I wil NEVER be able to cook fish fingers and chips again now without thinking of this post!!
Well if you need a hand… I have experience with this sort of thing…
I have to say, brilliant blog! The subject line will have me chuckling behind the bar for the remainder of the day…
Hehe I laughed so much at this!
I tell my husband about things weeks in advance and put it on the calendar but he still forgets. Maybe naked calendars are the way to go…
LOL! Your poor eyes. And Mr. Mechanic would likely not like to see your new calendar. haha.
Just. too. funny. for. words.
I shudder to think what hits you will be getting on your blog now…
Hmmm. Sounds like a fab idea. Maybe you could pay Mr Mechanic with a copy on your next visit. He obviously appreciates the ladies and as he thinks hubster is unemployed he might be up for a bit of bartering. And am now wondering if I should tend my lady garden for future possible events.
I’ve ironed with a bare stomach before as well. Ouch. I suppose you don’t need it on to do those pictures, though.
Love the idea of making your own calendar, but why go to all that effort? Ask Mr Mechanic if you can have his (let’s face it, you’ve already paid for it). I’m pretty sure that would have the desired effect of getting my husband to write events on correct day. Then I wouldn’t double book a saturday night out as I would know that his friend was coming to stay on said saturday night, instead of the thursday night that was written on calendar.
I’m sorry but it’s all to much for me, I’ve got you threatening to strip off your merkin, Alice buying sexing undies (and more) and then claiming her card details were nicked and Erica swotting up on a video making career, all we need now is for Becky to set up a ‘we love Golden Showers’ website and you will all be at it.
And please don’t say ‘what are Golden Showers’?
Good day to you, I’m off for a lie down with a print out of that “special” pic you sent me.
How did you get your toes in your ears, exactly?
God bless you child.
That’s where I’m going wrong then.
Wonder what the man at boots would say when they gave you your finished calendar though!
I need the Tena rep RIGHT NOW!
Thank you for brightening up a very dull and busy afternoon.
I have nearly wet myself!!
BNM
x
Plus if you gave one to Mr Mechanic too, you might get a free service.
Have just realised that sounds far worse than it was meant to. Sorry…
The “naked / dog poop” thing sounds like Rule #34 of the internet: Rule #34: There is porn of it, no exceptions.
And be careful that the kids don’t take daddy’s special calendar to show-n-tell.
Oh come on, please let’s not pretend that you don’t already have a calendar like that in your house.
I’m betting you use old chocolate wrappers to cover your embarassment though . . .
Ha!! Love it!!
I would be scowling in my photos. And wearing my Slanket in the Winter months of course… but you’d know I was naked under the Slanket. Which would be more enticing.
Are we the epitome of sexy?
I think so… Miss November should be glad we never make calendars else she’d be out of business.
A interesting idea, I think. But if he liked you in your housework poses hw may encourage you to do more chores which may not be what you had in mind. Possibly a rethink on the type of poses is needed , ahem, if you know what I mean.
LOL, hysterical!! Calendar Girls with a difference. REAL life calendar LOL, that’s made me smile for the day… although I do now have images in my head that really shouldn’t be there, especially the picking up the dog poo one eek.
Has taken a while to be about to type, typing and laughing I find impossible. Am very intrigued to hear what pics hubby gets for the rest of the year. May I suggest some with his favourite power tools or paint brushes. It may inspire him to finish all those DIY jobs.
Great idea if you’re, ah, willing!
I had a lovely calendar for the whole family, and had the exact, same issue – Hubby wouldn’t use it. He’d be standing in front of it, asking when such-and-such was on, and I’d be pointing at the calendar. Ugh!
Just proves what I always say. Unless it’s right there in front of them, with big flashing arrows pointing towards it, they just don’t see it. It’s the same issue with socks.
totaly naked picking up dog poo – there’s probably a niche market for that somewhere.
Lol, great idea. Perhaps you could give the mechanic a copy too?
Just shared your post with husband, he promptly asked for a calendar, of me you understand…not that there’s anything wrong with your ironing or errr ladygarden…….errr off now
Could be the next version of Calendar Girl(s)?
Now there’s an idea for raising money: Blogger Girls anyone?
V funny.
LCM x
Bill me for five calendars. No, six. I don’t have anything for my mother-in-law yet.
I can vouch that ironing in your underware is not a wise move!
pmsl, I spat my tea out on to the screen at the throught of you with an iron – good lord lady that could be dangerous, you might never recover from burt nipples!!!