After school I took the kids to the local public swimming pool to sign up for lessons.
The women behind the counter were the doubles of Majorie Dawes and Waynetta Slob (but in uniform) and looked like they had spent the afternoon polishing their sovereign rings whilst smoking out the back.
I asked about swimming lessons, they gave me a form to fill in for each child and told me we’d be added to the extensive waiting list. When it got to the address I explained that we were moving in a few weeks and that although I knew the house number and street name I was unsure of the postcode.
They looked at each other and both said in shocked unison “You don’t know the postcode of your house?”.
I reiterated again that I didn’t because we hadn’t moved yet but that if it was REALLY important I could bob back tomorrow. They raised their eyes to the ceiling then back at each other.
The one who looked like Majorie Dawes leaned in real close so I could almost feel her moustache brushing my cheek and said “No matter, we can do without”. Then she pointed at the form and really slowly said “By the way D O B … that means date of birth”.
Then Waynetta said in an accusatory fashion “You do know what date your children were born don’t you?”
The children who had, up till this point, been running round the foyer were now stood next to me giving the ladies suspicious sideways looks.
Wanting to get away from the increasingly bizarre double act I pretended not to hear and continued to fill the forms in realising that to speak would only stoke the fires of weirdness further. When I’d finished they scrutinised each form from top to bottom. I can only assume they hadn’t seen joined up writing before. Then we were dismissed.
I do hope that by the time we make it to the top of the waiting list the swimming lessons clash with Majorie and Waynetta’s shift.
14 Comments on "Joined up writing and a moustache"
I am sooooo going to have to make a detour one day soon just to have a look at this comedy duo!
LOL!
I love the image; I have a sort of tweedle-dum / tweedle-dee image in my head… madness. I’ve tagged you over at mine by the way.
Write to the local council and complain about the service, you might get the lessons free!
Do they even know what a postcode is, I wonder.
There are a pair like that working in our local post office.
Nuff said!
Oops, I mean because she looks like Marjorie Dawes not because you need to go to…
Oh never mind…
Ahaha. Classic. My kids do the sideways thing as well. Next time you see them, maybe you can ask Marjorie what time the slimming classes are on.
This sort of attitude seems prevalent in the ‘front of house’ sector, I’m thinking Dr’s receptionists, they tend to be a bit of a pain too.
Funny – isn’t it one of lifes wonders why people resembling jabba the hut are always working at public swimming baths – maybe it’s a way of scaring people into keep fit a bit like “this is what you could end up looking like if you don’t exercise” x
LMAO @ Scaryfacedmofo! “nice gentlemen!”
You should have said that. Of course, I am assuming that like me, you have to see these people again and don’t necessarily want to burn any bridges.
bloody hell, sex on a stick or what? How did you resist? Please God you never see them in their swimmers!!
Hehe. Loved the moustache bit.
Sounds like you will have a new inspirational source here. Looking forward to hear more from the weird duo.
The worry about actually pointing out that “polite service is part of the job description” is that they will just file the application in bin and trying to get kids into swim school is dog-eat-dog. Pool receptionists are generally the uneducated that did quite make Gestapo grade, as opposed to the doctors receptionist who is educated and works part time for the Gestapo. Have you met the School receptionist yet?! Don’t get me started in that one!
Ha Ha! I think I might have them before… thinking…
Anyway, I love the new look of your blog! but I think I might have said that before, haven’t I?
You should have pointed at the ladies and said in a loud voice: “Sweethearts, this is where you will end up if you don’t work hard at school.”
Alternatively: “Say thank you to the nice gentleman” could hit the spot.