Can I Give Them Back Now? : Joanna Simmons and Jay Curtis.
Published by Square Peg.
Described as ‘A must have for all new mums and dads – at last, a laugh-out-loud book about the darker moments of parenthood’
A is for Anxiety, Alcohol and awful Activities. B is for Bedtime, Baking and Boredom. C is for Childcare and Cooking With Your Coat on. N is for Not Swearing (bloody frustrating) and S is for Soft Play Places, Sniffing Babies’ Arses (to see if they’ve filled their nappies – are there not easier ways of finding out and Sex (see also L, for lack thereof).
I found it wry, down-to-earth and highly entertaining.
I would recommend this book to ANYONE with a child and defy them not to emit a titter and, on occasion, nearly wee themselves. I think the fact that my children were older made the book even more amusing as I could relate to every single word.
I read it during the first week of moving into our new house when I spent several leisurely evenings soaking in our new proper person sized bath. My cackles echoed around the house and I irritated the husband by quoting whole paragraphs to him as he tried to read his own book.
I was sad to finish it, but, because it is written like a dictionary I will be dipping in to share with friends. I’ll start with you lot …
C is for Cheese Strings - On the packet it says they are 100 percent natural. But what other cheese do you know that can be fashioned into a palm tree?
D is for Dad Comparisons – There’s always a Dad out there who’s more slack, more hopeless, more late in more often than the one who fathered your kids, which somehow means you’re not supposed to complain.
E is for Expressing – One mother’s Electric Breast Pump is another’s Foghorn of Sausage-Nippled Misery. Discuss.
F is for Future – Before kids your future was up for grabs. You might live abroad, write that novel or have a rude affair with a saucy young man. Anything could happen even though it probably wouldn’t. After kids it’s set in stone. It’s what you’re doing now, times eighteen more years. The End.
F is also for Folding – A crisis manoeuvre that theoretically allows you to insert a rigid, frothing child into a buggy. Really requires the extra leverage of a well-placed parental knee to pull it off successfully. complicating factor : buggy on hill. Potential hazards : public humiliation, arrest.
O is for Organic – It may be organic, but if they’re not going to eat it anyway that’s some very expensive carrots you’ve just tossed in the bin.
S is for Snot – The taps turn on in late September and stay flowing until mid April. get some tissues in.
Y is for Yelling – In parents : any instruction to your kids will have a far more effective response if your neighbours can hear it too. In kids : well, wouldn’t you if you were given carrot batons instead of discs?
I am giving this book a whopping 5/5.
I couldn’t find anything wrong with it. In fact I think it should be given to new mothers in hospital, shortly after giving birth. It cheered me up no end and at £5.99 it’s a steal and I’ll be stealing purchasing some to give to friends as birthday presents.
You can buy the book on Amazon … there’s a little button on my sidebar which links to it if you want more info …
11 Comments on "Book Review – Can I Give Them Back Now?"
Fab review, sounds like a great read and great gift, can really relate to “O is for Organic – for really expensive bin contents!” love it!
I haven’t even got kids and I was laughing at it – think I might have to have a peek anyway!
ROFLMAO – I LOVE it!!!! Organic – so true! Snot – uggggh – so true too!
LOL….foghorn of sausage nippled misery. Yep!
Sounds like a fab read. I love books that make me laugh out load.
Off to have a looksy……
I would offer to lend you it – but it’s the sort of book you want to hang onto for future reference!
Haha love the folding technique – been guilty of that one a few times…
Get…
in…
the…
buggy…!
… and under your breath … you *********
Sounds brilliant, think I’ll get me one!! I love it when a book makes you laugh out loud and start reading to others, if they want to hear it or not!
Yes, husband listens with his ears shut and nods
We have this book and Ive only dipped in and out of it so far – it’s SO funny!! And I keep telling Small Child about the cheese string thing but she wont listen. Many melt downs in Waitrose when I tell her no!
I crumbled and bought some under the assumption that bendy calcium is better than none