The Husband recently told me, on good authority, after my recent weight loss, that my boobs may have shrunk slightly. Having been reminded, by a friend, recently of the holiday where she wore my bra on her head, with room to spare, I wasn’t too worried.
Cue a trip to M&S where I met the Sharon Osborne of the boob measuring world. Sharon, as we’ll call her, was brutally honest. She didn’t pussy foot around. She shoved me into a cubicle, asked me to strip (top half only) down to my bra, and stared at my boobs for longer than was probably necessary. I think Sharon had passed with merits at Extreme Boob Measuring School.
“What size is that bra?” she asked.
“Hmm, I’m not sure” I replied looking at my half naked self in the mirror wondering when my arms had got so jambon like. She turned me round and rooted about in my bra ”Oh, the label’s faded, that’s not a good sign”.
She stood back, made me turn round, then back again, shook her head and said “Right, let’s sort you out”.
After my initial shock at being ‘Lady Handled’ I warmed to Sharon. It was like a boob confessional. I told her that I’d lost weight, fed two children and that to be honest I had no idea what size my bra was because I’d probably been wearing it since my eldest child was born … nearly 7 years ago.
“When women feed there’s no going back. That gaping bit at the top of your bra is where you breast used to be” she said pulling at my bra.
“Oh, well yes. I suppose they did used to be slightly higher. I tried on a t-shirt bra earlier and it had the same effect” I replied trying to get the image of a pair of spaniel’s ears out of my head.
She measured me, muttered a number that had an F on the end, then disappeared. She reappeared moments later armed with several gargantuan bras “Try this t-shirt bra on first and we’ll go from there”.
I did as I was told then watched Sharon as she stood right back and tilted her head as if she were looking at a lopsided painting in a gallery ”Those t-shirt bras look great on 20 year old women but you can’t get away with it.”
“But I’m only 32!” I said looking at Sharon in horror.
She said “Yes, but look where your breasts are now”.
She had a point.
With the penultimate bra she told me to stick my hand in my bra and drag my breasts up and in. Then she asked me to lift my arms as she pulled the bra and peered in.
“Naaah, I don’t like that one” she said “Take it off and try this one”.
Sharon knew what she was doing but I was happy to be out of there; Those mirrors are not forgiving like the dimly lit one at home. I left with three new bras, which fit perfectly. We even found a t-shirt bra ‘for youngsters’ which fit so I can at least pretend that I’m not going to be tucking my boobs into my socks when I’m 60.
10 Comments on "A pair of spaniel’s ears …"
For my 40th, a friend took me to Rigby and Pellers for a bra fitting. OMG. I had the faded label problem too- which for me was a good thing as I was 4 children and many sizes UP since my last fitting.
Hehe. I hope you’re still practicing the English Mum’s patented ‘sleep in two sports bras’ technique… I’m always watching y’know…
I’ve just had the similar humiliation. Breast feeding has definately done odd things to my boobs. As pointed out by my bra lady too. Harumph. Imagine men had to endure this with pants?
‘Sorry mate now you’ve had kids your tackle will never be the same. I’ll get you a smaller size. Calvins ?’
Maybe your husband’s mouth is just getting bigger?
Wait, what?
My bra size has 2 F’s in it, sometimes a G. I’m a Bravissimo girl though, personally I cannot get on with M&S bra sizing at all. Bravissimo rules! And for sports it’s got to be Shock Absorber.
One birthday I was taken by hubby to Rigby & Peller for a fitting & a bra. He bought the bra, I treated myself to the matching knickers only then I couldn’t afford any new jeans till payday :-0
You really need to go and see mrsworthington’s lady. I do not want you to look like a goat. Am glad you are hoisted up in the right size though.
When I was a teen, the place to go to get bras was Contessa in Halifax. I will never forget the mortification of being told by the ‘lady’ in a loud honking tone to ‘lift the breast into the cup, dear!’ It was too much to bear. My mum was just stood there smiling…
How funny, I got properly fitted for first time for about 5years and had to face up to fact that are not what or where they once were…a good bra is a great investment though.
My lingerie lady doesn’t use a tape measure but gets it right every time. However whilst I cannot afford the ridiculous prizes I don’t trust those M&S ladies. If’ I’d continued going by their sizing I was going to have Goat shaped tits according to my lady. I expect to see pertness next time we meet.
PS I think The Husband should fork out for my lady for you
Ha! You got away lightly. An overzealous saleswoman in Paris once just whipped my coat open and copped a feel of my boobs to ‘size me’. So…mortified….
Very funny, so with you on that one.
Have met a sharon too, and yes taught me at the age of 35 how to put a bra on, you know the lift your boobs into the cup thing.
I will be 40 in July, never returned for a re-measure though have to say today when putting on my bra it felt tight obviously I must of put on weight but guess what I will just guess and go a size up if needs be !!!